More Emotions Than Expected, and a Message From Mom

Today Terri and I climbed Bell Rock, a natural red rock formation in Sedona, Arizona. We didn't go all the way to the top, but we did make it to the right spot for the mission.

Sedona is known for having a high concentration of energy vortexes. (I know that the plural of vortex is vortices, but Sedona's energy vortexes somehow escape this rule.) The vortexes of Sedona are believed to be locations having an energy flow that exists on multiple dimensions. Many people do not understand or believe this and easily dismiss it as nonsense. While these people may be right, they may also be wrong. I enjoy believing it is true.

So, the mission was to finally release the last of my mother's ashes and I realized that the spiritual nature of a vortex site would be appropriate. Bell Rock is a vortex site and was chosen to be the final destination of what was left of mom's dust and bits of bone.

The Catholic priests say, "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust" when applying the ashes of the previous year's palms (from Palm Sunday) to the foreheads of the believers on Ash Wednesday. I chose to acknowledge mom's Catholic faith and this returning, by returning what was left of mom to a place that is know for the spirituality of sharing energy.

Without a specific destination on the rock, we ambled up, re-routed ourselves twice, and I eventually arrived at The Place. It was a small outcropping with flowering plants on two sides and a curved branch that served as a railing of sorts. It was perfect and we were the only two in sight on that busy day. I said to Terri, "It's time."

I poured the last of my connection to my physical mom into my cupped left hand, brought my right hand in to complete the cup, and blew a kiss to send them flying off. There were still some there so I blew again. Then I brushed off my hands to get rid of the last remaining pieces.

And I collapsed in a heap and sobbed.

I did not expect the flood of emotions that came with the finality but I guess I should have. I am, after all, a sucker for symbolism, romance, and Hallmark card commercials. (I got that from my mom.)

After Terri mustered the courage to come out on that outcropping and comfort me, I got up and realized my finger was bleeding. It was probably a sharp piece that took a nick out of my right index finger when I rubbed my hands together. I guess mom got the last laugh as she bit me on her way out. Good one, mom!

The Way

Mom died in 1998. For the next 15 years her ashes stayed with me for a while, then with one of my brothers. Eventually, the seven of us siblings agreed we would divide the ashes and let each person decide what to do with his/her share. That was two years ago. 

There were a few places I considered appropriate and left a little bit to honor her memory and our connection to those places. But, I never felt like I knew where THE place was for the last of them.

In the summer of 2014 I enjoyed a movie titled The Way starring Martin Sheen. Besides being a fun and funny movie, it let me feel OK to leave little bits of mom along MY way. So I have been. And each time has been shared with the people who are most important to me. Many family members were together to spread some on a lake where we spent many summer vacations. A little was sprinkled in a flower garden on Mother's Day. On her birthday, some were scattered where the forest preserve pavilion for the family reunions used to be. And some were left on the graves of other people special to her on their birthdays. 

Now the little zip-lock bag that has been riding along with me and getting lighter with each mini-ceremony is close to empty. And today on the side of a canyon wall during this spring trip to Sedona, Arizona I realized it is time to let go of the last of the dust and bits of bone. My piece of Mary Josephine Kissinger Muckian Kelly will be released forever in a place known worldwide for its spiritual energy. Any of mom's playful and peaceful energy, or light, or soul, or essence-- whatever it is called-- that the last of her organic material bears can rejoin the energy, light, soul, and essence of the Universe. 

The bag will be empty, but my heart will always be full with her love and memories. Peace, Mom.